The Nervous System Isn't a Problem to Fix — It's a Relationship to Nurture
If someone had handed me the concept of nervous system regulation back when I was a stay-at-home mom in a new town, raising two small children with no support while my husband was constantly working, I think I would have cried with relief.
Back then, I thought I was just tired. Overwhelmed. Snappy. Living on edge. Now I know I was deeply dysregulated. And I didn’t even have the language to name it.
That’s why I invited Jessica Addeo, a nervous system coach and parent of three, to join me on the podcast. Because midlife is demanding. It’s full of shifting hormones, aging parents, career pivots, changing relationships and a nervous system that’s quietly trying to help us survive it all.
Your Nervous System: The Smoke Alarm You’ve Been Ignoring
Jessica offered a beautiful reframe: your nervous system isn’t broken. It doesn’t need to be “fixed.” It’s more like the electrical wiring of your home or the smoke alarm in your hallway. It's chirping, not to annoy you but to alert you that something needs attention.
And here's the part so many women in midlife need to hear: dysregulation is not a personal failure. It’s a normal, expected part of being a human with responsibilities, emotions, and hormones.
What Dysregulation Looks Like in Real Life
Jessica shared how yelling at her kids isn’t a character flaw it’s a signal. Her nervous system is overdrawn, depleted, and trying to protect her. Sound familiar?
Maybe you recognize yourself in this:
Pacing the kitchen after a stressful call.
Waking at 3 a.m. with your heart racing.
Snapping over small things.
Feeling frozen when you know you need to get up and move.
Scrolling mindlessly when you’re exhausted but wired.
These aren’t bad habits. They’re coping mechanisms. And they’re offering clues.
You Can’t Mindset Your Way Out of Dysregulation
We talk a lot about mindset in the wellness space. But as Jessica reminded us: mindset isn’t enough. You can’t "think" your way into regulation. That’s because 80% of your vagus nerve communication goes from the body up to the brain, not the other way around.
What actually helps? Sensory input.
Chewing minty gum or crunchy snacks (yes, really).
Wearing ankle weights or a weighted vest.
Using an ice roller on your neck or sipping a cold drink.
Swapping the scroll for a repetitive, low-stim TV show like Gilmore Girls.
When you meet your body where it already is rather than shaming it into a new routine, you create space for actual healing.
There’s No One-Size-Fits-All
Some days, your body may need movement. Other days, it needs stillness. Sometimes a walk is therapeutic; other times, it's the weighted blanket that saves you.
In midlife, where resilience can be lower and stress is layered with hormonal shifts, we have to be gentler with ourselves. Jessica cautioned against defaulting to trendy protocols like cold plunging without assessing our actual bandwidth and I agree. For many of us, heat (sauna, sunlight, a cozy throw) is far more supportive.
Co-Regulation: Why Community Still Matters
This is the part that struck me the most: we are not meant to regulate alone.
Whether it’s your yoga class, therapist, coach, or a text thread with girlfriends, we all need people who can hold space for us, just as we do for our kids, partners, and patients.
If you’re feeling like the barometer for your household’s stress, you’re not imagining it. But you’re not supposed to carry it all solo.
A Final Word
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about awareness.
Every small moment of self-regulation you choose pausing before the yell, recognizing the freeze, reaching for your minty gum…is a deposit into your nervous system’s bank account. Over time, those deposits become capacity, resilience, and self-trust.
So the next time your smoke alarm goes off, don’t panic.
Take a breath.
She’s just asking you to listen.
Want more support like this?
Join the Women Mastering Midlife Community or grab my free Nervous System Regulation Guide to start building your own toolkit today.
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Learn more about Jessica Addeo and her work on her website.
You can also find her on Instagram.
