Breaking Free from Trauma Bonds: Healing, Boundaries, and Hope in Midlife
Relationships are a cornerstone of our well-being, yet not all relationships nurture us. Some erode our sense of safety, identity, and trust. These are often trauma-bonded relationships—an experience many women silently endure.
On the Women Mastering Midlife podcast, I recently sat down with Dr. Nadine Macaluso, licensed marriage and family therapist, trauma bonding and narcissistic abuse expert, and author of Run Like Hell: A Therapist's Guide to Recognizing, Escaping, and Healing from Trauma Bonds.
Her story and clinical expertise shine a light on how trauma bonds form, why they are so difficult to leave, and what it truly takes to heal.
What Is a Trauma Bond?
Trauma bonds occur when a relationship combines:
Power Imbalance – one partner dominates or controls through coercion, intimidation, or threats.
Intermittent Reinforcement – alternating kindness and cruelty, creating confusion and dependency.
Unlike the normal ups and downs of relationships, trauma bonds keep women trapped in cycles of fear, hope, and self-doubt. As Dr. Macaluso explains, “It’s that unpredictable mix of cruelty and affection that creates the strongest bond—and makes it so difficult to walk away.”
Early Red Flags to Recognize
Spotting the signs early is critical. Red flags of coercive control or narcissistic abuse include:
Boundary violations (a partner disregards your “no”).
Words and actions that don’t align.
Chronic lack of accountability or blame-shifting.
Subtle financial control, from micromanaging daily expenses to limiting access to resources.
These behaviors often look invisible from the outside, yet they slowly erode a woman’s independence and sense of self.
Healing and Reclaiming Identity
Leaving a trauma bond is only the beginning. Healing requires intentional, compassionate work to reconnect with yourself. Dr. Macaluso emphasizes three key steps:
Stabilize through self-care – Prioritize sleep, nutrition, movement, and stress management to re-regulate the nervous system.
Rebuild self-trust – Learn to listen to your body’s cues and intuition, often ignored in the relationship.
Redefine identity – Shift focus from studying the abuser to rediscovering your strengths, values, and goals.
As she says, “You don’t heal by becoming an expert on the pathological lover. You heal by becoming an expert on yourself.”
Why This Matters in Midlife
For women in perimenopause and menopause, this message carries unique weight. Hormonal shifts, life transitions, and caregiving demands can magnify vulnerability in relationships. Midlife is often a season of reevaluating career, health, and partnerships—making it essential to enter this stage with clarity, boundaries, and self-trust.
Recognizing trauma bonds and learning tools to heal allows women to move forward into midlife with confidence and emotional safety.
A Resource for Women
If you or someone you love is navigating a trauma-bonded relationship, know that you are not alone. Healing is possible. With the right education, support, and community, women can rebuild their lives and create healthy, calm, and fulfilling connections.
📖 Learn more by exploring Dr. Nadine Macaluso’s book, Run Like Hell.
🎧 Listen to the full conversation on the Women Mastering Midlife podcast
💬 Explore coaching and resources through Women Mastering Midlife
Final Reflection
As a pharmacist and women’s health coach, I believe healing from trauma bonds isn’t just about relationships—it’s about reclaiming your whole health. From emotional well-being to physical resilience, small steps toward self-care and self-trust add up to lasting change.
You deserve relationships that are safe, calm, and supportive. And you deserve a midlife defined by vitality, not survival.
